The Bisexual Stud...
SH agreed to speak with me about her experience with bisexuality. I told her I planned to call it "Interview with a Bisexual Stud.*" She told me she was not a stud. I asked how she considered herself?
Woman. Human. Me.
But you do seem Masculine of Center to me? I pressed.
Masculine of Center? She responded. I like that, yeah.
I asked her some questions:
1) Do you have a preference of men or women?
Ha! its funny, only women ask me that question. Well, when it comes to actual relationships, WOMEN ONLY! As crazy as it may seem, I feel like in a relationship with a dude I MUST cater to him but a woman? I should be catered to.
2) What traits do you look for in a man? Or a woman? How are they different?
I like a man to be a man and a woman to be just that; real feminine. Any sign of femininity in a guy besides being well groomed and I’m out the door!
3) Do you date men and women at the same time?
I don’t date guys. Would I fuck a guy while dating a women? It depends on how she feels about me being with guys and the type of relationship we have.
4.) Do you have limitations when it comes to sex?
Yeah. Respect my wishes. I cum quick so when I’m done and I tell you then you are too and that’s that. Man or woman. Also, no bi dudes. I ain’t with that.
5) Are there sexual things that you would only do with a man or a woman or that you prefer with one/the other?
(Laughs) Yeah. Anal with a girl! I was going to say that I like for a guy to take control most of the time in the bedroom but, ever so often I will let my special lady have her way with me. If she's deserving.
6) Are you honest with your partners about your preference?
Always. I have to respect my partner's decision. Some people aren't as open about certain things as I am.
7.) Has your orientation received any backlash from the gay or straight communities?
Of course! Gays especially! AA (African American) gays are THE most judgmental people I think I know. Ironic huh? I get a lot of "that’s nasty" and "that’s like s4s" (which I am totally into as well) and my favorite 'that’s gay!'
8.) When dating a man does your attire change or do you act different?
I become more feminine right before sexing a guy.
9.) Would you ever have a baby?
Yep! I want at least one this year...carrying one though is something else...how's your health?
(I am not making her babies)
10.) What advice would you give to other Bisexual Doms who are afraid to be open? (Assuming she is open)...if not: Why do you think the community is so judgmental about this topic?
Be you. Once you stop doing that you become someone you don’t know and lose sight of who you are and what you’re destined to be.
Nah, that sounds gay.
I’d say learn to be comfortable with who you are; you can’t live your life for the masses.If you do, you’re guaranteed to disappoint someone. Don’t let it be you.
11.) Do you allow the man to treat you like a lady in public?
If I was to date a guy, yes of course. I’m still a woman.
Peace!
J. Notha
*Or Dom since this is DinMag
Woman. Human. Me.
But you do seem Masculine of Center to me? I pressed.
Masculine of Center? She responded. I like that, yeah.
I asked her some questions:
1) Do you have a preference of men or women?
Ha! its funny, only women ask me that question. Well, when it comes to actual relationships, WOMEN ONLY! As crazy as it may seem, I feel like in a relationship with a dude I MUST cater to him but a woman? I should be catered to.
2) What traits do you look for in a man? Or a woman? How are they different?
I like a man to be a man and a woman to be just that; real feminine. Any sign of femininity in a guy besides being well groomed and I’m out the door!
3) Do you date men and women at the same time?
I don’t date guys. Would I fuck a guy while dating a women? It depends on how she feels about me being with guys and the type of relationship we have.
4.) Do you have limitations when it comes to sex?
Yeah. Respect my wishes. I cum quick so when I’m done and I tell you then you are too and that’s that. Man or woman. Also, no bi dudes. I ain’t with that.
5) Are there sexual things that you would only do with a man or a woman or that you prefer with one/the other?
(Laughs) Yeah. Anal with a girl! I was going to say that I like for a guy to take control most of the time in the bedroom but, ever so often I will let my special lady have her way with me. If she's deserving.
6) Are you honest with your partners about your preference?
Always. I have to respect my partner's decision. Some people aren't as open about certain things as I am.
7.) Has your orientation received any backlash from the gay or straight communities?
Of course! Gays especially! AA (African American) gays are THE most judgmental people I think I know. Ironic huh? I get a lot of "that’s nasty" and "that’s like s4s" (which I am totally into as well) and my favorite 'that’s gay!'
8.) When dating a man does your attire change or do you act different?
I become more feminine right before sexing a guy.
9.) Would you ever have a baby?
Yep! I want at least one this year...carrying one though is something else...how's your health?
(I am not making her babies)
10.) What advice would you give to other Bisexual Doms who are afraid to be open? (Assuming she is open)...if not: Why do you think the community is so judgmental about this topic?
Be you. Once you stop doing that you become someone you don’t know and lose sight of who you are and what you’re destined to be.
Nah, that sounds gay.
I’d say learn to be comfortable with who you are; you can’t live your life for the masses.If you do, you’re guaranteed to disappoint someone. Don’t let it be you.
11.) Do you allow the man to treat you like a lady in public?
If I was to date a guy, yes of course. I’m still a woman.
Peace!
J. Notha
*Or Dom since this is DinMag
Bridging the Color Gap...Take 2!
1.) Are you just as equally attracted to Doms and Femmes?
**Usually when a white lesbian couple is spotted in an urban area, its difficult to differentiate between the two..so its a common myth that white Femmes date everybody**
I am attracted to both Doms (or Studs as I say) and Femmes..and women who fall in between. But I do have a serious weakness for Studs though. White women definitely have our preferences, but a lot do not subscribe to the butch-femme dynamic.
I think that the white lesbian community used to look a lot more like the lesbian community among POC: small, marginalized, and tending towards a culture Dominated by the butch-femme dynamic (I'm not judging, just calling it as I see it!)
Then a few things happened:
1) Feminism: as white women became more aware of patriarchy, I think a lot of them rejected the masculine-feminine dynamic within their own community.
2) Main-streaming: As lesbianism has become more accepted in main stream white culture, more women are coming out who have not been exposed to old-school lesbian culture, and who are, frankly, embarrassed by it. They reject gender-queerness in an attempt to appear more "normal."
(I also think that within the white lesbian communities that do explore gender queerness there is more of an acceptance of variation and gradation of gender expression. I'm not sure why, although perhaps it links back to Feminism!)
Also, you may be talking about some of the most visible white lesbians: Sporty Dykes, (http://effingdykes.blogspot.com/2009/01/alright.html) which should not be confused with Butches or Doms.
2.) Is there a difference between how you are treated by a Black Dom than a White one?
It's really hard for me to answer this, since the last White Dom (Butch) I dated was in High School (I was 14, she was 17, we were each other's firsts)
But then I haven't been treated the same by every black Stud I've dated either. My sense is that Studs or Doms tend to model they're behavior on the male role models in their life. Unfortunately a lot of those men are players and users, and a lot of Studs are too.
I did date a Puerto Rican butch who was very into chivalry, which seems to be a big thing among the butch-femme community.
My sense is that white Butches are more likely to ask for a date or pay the check.
3.) Generally, how does a White Femme approach someone that they are attracted to?
I can't tell you how a White Femme generally approaches someone who they are attracted to, but I can tell you how I do it!
I check her out, make eye contact, smile, and check for interest. Does she smile back? Is there that "extra" something in her eyes/smile?
If I'm at the club I'll dance near her in the hopes that I end up dancing with her.
If I'm in a less explicitly queer space, I smile, hold eye contact longer than necessary, crack jokes and drop outrageous hints. (I once checked every lesbian related email in class where a cute Stud could see.)
I'm pretty shameless!
4.) Why do white Doms wear bikini tops?
WTF kinda question is that? I have never seen a Dom of ANY shade in a bikini top! ROFL (Again, you may be confusing Butches with Sporty Dykes--NOT the same thing!)
**Usually when a white lesbian couple is spotted in an urban area, its difficult to differentiate between the two..so its a common myth that white Femmes date everybody**
I am attracted to both Doms (or Studs as I say) and Femmes..and women who fall in between. But I do have a serious weakness for Studs though. White women definitely have our preferences, but a lot do not subscribe to the butch-femme dynamic.
I think that the white lesbian community used to look a lot more like the lesbian community among POC: small, marginalized, and tending towards a culture Dominated by the butch-femme dynamic (I'm not judging, just calling it as I see it!)
Then a few things happened:
1) Feminism: as white women became more aware of patriarchy, I think a lot of them rejected the masculine-feminine dynamic within their own community.
2) Main-streaming: As lesbianism has become more accepted in main stream white culture, more women are coming out who have not been exposed to old-school lesbian culture, and who are, frankly, embarrassed by it. They reject gender-queerness in an attempt to appear more "normal."
(I also think that within the white lesbian communities that do explore gender queerness there is more of an acceptance of variation and gradation of gender expression. I'm not sure why, although perhaps it links back to Feminism!)
Also, you may be talking about some of the most visible white lesbians: Sporty Dykes, (http://effingdykes.blogspot.com/2009/01/alright.html) which should not be confused with Butches or Doms.
2.) Is there a difference between how you are treated by a Black Dom than a White one?
It's really hard for me to answer this, since the last White Dom (Butch) I dated was in High School (I was 14, she was 17, we were each other's firsts)
But then I haven't been treated the same by every black Stud I've dated either. My sense is that Studs or Doms tend to model they're behavior on the male role models in their life. Unfortunately a lot of those men are players and users, and a lot of Studs are too.
I did date a Puerto Rican butch who was very into chivalry, which seems to be a big thing among the butch-femme community.
My sense is that white Butches are more likely to ask for a date or pay the check.
3.) Generally, how does a White Femme approach someone that they are attracted to?
I can't tell you how a White Femme generally approaches someone who they are attracted to, but I can tell you how I do it!
I check her out, make eye contact, smile, and check for interest. Does she smile back? Is there that "extra" something in her eyes/smile?
If I'm at the club I'll dance near her in the hopes that I end up dancing with her.
If I'm in a less explicitly queer space, I smile, hold eye contact longer than necessary, crack jokes and drop outrageous hints. (I once checked every lesbian related email in class where a cute Stud could see.)
I'm pretty shameless!
4.) Why do white Doms wear bikini tops?
WTF kinda question is that? I have never seen a Dom of ANY shade in a bikini top! ROFL (Again, you may be confusing Butches with Sporty Dykes--NOT the same thing!)
Bridging the Color Gap...(Learning Our White Girl)
1.) What’s the difference between a black Dom and a
Caucasian one?
First of all, please don't call me Caucasian. White is fine.
There's not necessarily a huge difference between a black Dom and a white Dom (or Stud as we call them here in the North East). Studs come in all shades and colors, although as far as I can tell the concept comes out of the WOC community, (going back at least to the thirties if not longer ago). At one club I used to go to, the "other white girl" dressed and acted pretty much exactly like the black Doms. Probably had a lot of haters too, seeing as she always had a dark-skinned bad bitch on her arm!
On the other hand, there is a pretty noticeable difference between butches and studs. Just like with studs, butches come in all colors--although they're most commonly white and the term evolved from the white lesbian community.
I've been trying to pin down my mind what the difference between a butch and a stud is, and the only thing I could come up with is swag:
Butches can be stylish, but studs have swag.
2.) Why is a white stud referred to as a butch??...like on a normal basis...but when those I associate with use the term "butch" it’s to describe a very manly woman who doesn't shave or have a fashion sense?
Of course that depends on who you associate with. Butch is a term coming out of the white lesbian community, covering a broad spectrum of masculine of center women. Many women wear it most proudly!
Society has a lot of negative stereotypes about butches, and your friends are probably tuning into that. Also, they've probably noticed butches lack of swag--not to be confused with a lack of style--it's just a different style. --Although some butches don't have much in the way of style either, but then some studs be looking raggedy AF too!
3.) Which do you prefer: Studs or Butches?
I'm attracted to women of every shade and color across wide spectrum of gender presentation, but I tend to be more drawn to WOC and studs in particular. I'm talking to a bad femme right now, but I have a serious weak spot for thick, laid-back studs.
First of all, please don't call me Caucasian. White is fine.
There's not necessarily a huge difference between a black Dom and a white Dom (or Stud as we call them here in the North East). Studs come in all shades and colors, although as far as I can tell the concept comes out of the WOC community, (going back at least to the thirties if not longer ago). At one club I used to go to, the "other white girl" dressed and acted pretty much exactly like the black Doms. Probably had a lot of haters too, seeing as she always had a dark-skinned bad bitch on her arm!
On the other hand, there is a pretty noticeable difference between butches and studs. Just like with studs, butches come in all colors--although they're most commonly white and the term evolved from the white lesbian community.
I've been trying to pin down my mind what the difference between a butch and a stud is, and the only thing I could come up with is swag:
Butches can be stylish, but studs have swag.
2.) Why is a white stud referred to as a butch??...like on a normal basis...but when those I associate with use the term "butch" it’s to describe a very manly woman who doesn't shave or have a fashion sense?
Of course that depends on who you associate with. Butch is a term coming out of the white lesbian community, covering a broad spectrum of masculine of center women. Many women wear it most proudly!
Society has a lot of negative stereotypes about butches, and your friends are probably tuning into that. Also, they've probably noticed butches lack of swag--not to be confused with a lack of style--it's just a different style. --Although some butches don't have much in the way of style either, but then some studs be looking raggedy AF too!
3.) Which do you prefer: Studs or Butches?
I'm attracted to women of every shade and color across wide spectrum of gender presentation, but I tend to be more drawn to WOC and studs in particular. I'm talking to a bad femme right now, but I have a serious weak spot for thick, laid-back studs.
Justa Notha is an opinionated white femme/genderqueer lesbian dancing back and forth across the tracks of Boston. You can read more of her thoughts and adventures on http://justanotherwhitewoman.wordpress.com
Follow her on twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/JustanothaWW">@JustaNothaWW
Or ask a question by emailing JustanothaWW @ Live.com.
Follow her on twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/JustanothaWW">@JustaNothaWW
Or ask a question by emailing JustanothaWW @ Live.com.
Want to know even more about what 'JustanothaWWW' thinks of the word 'Caucasian'?? Click the word below and find out!!
