I DATE TRANSMEN....
1) What made you decide to date a TransMan?
When I first met him I didn’t know he was Trans and you can’t help who you like. Liking or even loving someone is just as much about the emotional connection as the attraction. Who cares about anything else? The hardships come later.
2) What is different about dating a TransMan rather than a lesbian?
In some cases, dealing with the complications of what to say, what not to say, and so on. It definitely takes an open mind and someone who is willing to learn and deal with the mood swings among other things.
3) What is different about dating a TransMan than a biological man?
This is a funny question because I have been asked this before and it is hard to explain it. Sometimes there is a difference and sometimes there isn’t, it depends on the man. For me, personally the difference is that TransMen know how to treat a woman. I say this because they once lived in a female body and were labeled in society as female so they know the inner workings of a woman's emotion, i.e: the hurt, loving a woman, etc. Biological men are sometimes parallel but that is rare.
4) Is sex that much different with a TransMan than with a lesbian?
I plead the personal fifth to details but yes it is different for certain TransMen.
5) Were people accepting or judgmental with your choice of partner?
It depends on who you talked to in my circle of friends. I was new to the thought of the Trans-Community when I started dating my first boyfriend and my best friend didn’t take it well. She didn’t understand, so I felt pushed away and shunned for just wanting to be happy. But eventually I got her to open her mind and learn about it. See, with people who don’t understand all they need is a little education. It may not help them to accept it but it sure can help them try to “tolerate” them. I had other friends who did accept it so I had support and balance. I also think my first boyfriend's friends were more judgmental of me because I didn’t self identify as Queer but remained a labeled lesbian. So my battle was more with his friends than my own. But again a little education and 'get to know you' would have prevented that.
6) How long were you with your TransMan and why did you break up?
I believe me and my first boyfriend were together anywhere from 4-6 months. We broke up because he has too much emotional baggage and I was tired. I didn’t want to break it off but for the safety of my sanity, I did. It took us awhile but we are friends now and we are better off as friends. It’s all love. My boyfriend now, we have been together a year or so with a breakup for almost 2 months after the year mark because I needed space. But presently we are on good terms and on the path to a better relationship.
7) Would you marry a TransMan? Why or Why not?
If the person I want to be with for the rest of my life was Trans than yes I would commit. Why? Because they are people, it isn’t like they are some foreign extra terrestrial. It doesn’t matter what body they are in, it just matters who they are, whether you love them, and if you can see spending the rest of your life with just with them.
8) Would you date a post-op TransMan? Why or Why not?
I would if I liked them. Again, it isn’t the body, it is the person and the attraction. If I was attracted to him, yes I would. Why? Because he is a person! I would date a post-op TransWoman too.
9) What do you feel about the Transgendered community in general?
I feel like they are under appreciated and left out in most LGB affairs. I think that our community needs to get it together if we are suppose to be LGBT and learn about as well as support the T community. We should also remember that transgender is an umbrella term that includes more than just transsexual people. There are people who identify as genderqueer, cross-dressers, and drag queens. But I don’t want people to fall into labels too much because we need to stop being label oriented and be people oriented. Love the person and not the label! In a perfect world we would be a perfect gay community. But we aren’t. We could at least support and understand our own people. EDUCATE YOURSELVES on the trans community!
10.) What advice would you give to someone who wants to date a TransMan but are afraid of what others might think.
Forget other people, shake 'em off, and keep it moving. Life isn’t about how other people feel about you, life is about your own happiness. Don’t let someone’s ignorance fall in the way of your happiness. I am sure people didn’t like when you came out as lesbian, gay, or however you may identity but I bet you went out and got it in with the person you liked even when people didn’t like it. Know that if you do run into a Trans person that you want to explore with them, be upfront and make sure they know this is your first time talking to someone who is Trans. It is also good to educate yourself, meaning read some books because there are libraries full of them! Make sure you know the proper pronouns they go by and follow them but also know that if you aren’t ready to come out to your friends about introducing them as your boyfriend, talk to them and problem solve. Life in any relationship isn’t easy, but you will work it out! Life gives you people for a reason, you decide whether they are here for a season or a lifetime!
When I first met him I didn’t know he was Trans and you can’t help who you like. Liking or even loving someone is just as much about the emotional connection as the attraction. Who cares about anything else? The hardships come later.
2) What is different about dating a TransMan rather than a lesbian?
In some cases, dealing with the complications of what to say, what not to say, and so on. It definitely takes an open mind and someone who is willing to learn and deal with the mood swings among other things.
3) What is different about dating a TransMan than a biological man?
This is a funny question because I have been asked this before and it is hard to explain it. Sometimes there is a difference and sometimes there isn’t, it depends on the man. For me, personally the difference is that TransMen know how to treat a woman. I say this because they once lived in a female body and were labeled in society as female so they know the inner workings of a woman's emotion, i.e: the hurt, loving a woman, etc. Biological men are sometimes parallel but that is rare.
4) Is sex that much different with a TransMan than with a lesbian?
I plead the personal fifth to details but yes it is different for certain TransMen.
5) Were people accepting or judgmental with your choice of partner?
It depends on who you talked to in my circle of friends. I was new to the thought of the Trans-Community when I started dating my first boyfriend and my best friend didn’t take it well. She didn’t understand, so I felt pushed away and shunned for just wanting to be happy. But eventually I got her to open her mind and learn about it. See, with people who don’t understand all they need is a little education. It may not help them to accept it but it sure can help them try to “tolerate” them. I had other friends who did accept it so I had support and balance. I also think my first boyfriend's friends were more judgmental of me because I didn’t self identify as Queer but remained a labeled lesbian. So my battle was more with his friends than my own. But again a little education and 'get to know you' would have prevented that.
6) How long were you with your TransMan and why did you break up?
I believe me and my first boyfriend were together anywhere from 4-6 months. We broke up because he has too much emotional baggage and I was tired. I didn’t want to break it off but for the safety of my sanity, I did. It took us awhile but we are friends now and we are better off as friends. It’s all love. My boyfriend now, we have been together a year or so with a breakup for almost 2 months after the year mark because I needed space. But presently we are on good terms and on the path to a better relationship.
7) Would you marry a TransMan? Why or Why not?
If the person I want to be with for the rest of my life was Trans than yes I would commit. Why? Because they are people, it isn’t like they are some foreign extra terrestrial. It doesn’t matter what body they are in, it just matters who they are, whether you love them, and if you can see spending the rest of your life with just with them.
8) Would you date a post-op TransMan? Why or Why not?
I would if I liked them. Again, it isn’t the body, it is the person and the attraction. If I was attracted to him, yes I would. Why? Because he is a person! I would date a post-op TransWoman too.
9) What do you feel about the Transgendered community in general?
I feel like they are under appreciated and left out in most LGB affairs. I think that our community needs to get it together if we are suppose to be LGBT and learn about as well as support the T community. We should also remember that transgender is an umbrella term that includes more than just transsexual people. There are people who identify as genderqueer, cross-dressers, and drag queens. But I don’t want people to fall into labels too much because we need to stop being label oriented and be people oriented. Love the person and not the label! In a perfect world we would be a perfect gay community. But we aren’t. We could at least support and understand our own people. EDUCATE YOURSELVES on the trans community!
10.) What advice would you give to someone who wants to date a TransMan but are afraid of what others might think.
Forget other people, shake 'em off, and keep it moving. Life isn’t about how other people feel about you, life is about your own happiness. Don’t let someone’s ignorance fall in the way of your happiness. I am sure people didn’t like when you came out as lesbian, gay, or however you may identity but I bet you went out and got it in with the person you liked even when people didn’t like it. Know that if you do run into a Trans person that you want to explore with them, be upfront and make sure they know this is your first time talking to someone who is Trans. It is also good to educate yourself, meaning read some books because there are libraries full of them! Make sure you know the proper pronouns they go by and follow them but also know that if you aren’t ready to come out to your friends about introducing them as your boyfriend, talk to them and problem solve. Life in any relationship isn’t easy, but you will work it out! Life gives you people for a reason, you decide whether they are here for a season or a lifetime!
